i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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