sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
