Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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