I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
