there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
