I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
