whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
