It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
