Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
