Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
