i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
