She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
