I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
