i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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