No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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