I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
