hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
