i just google imaged poop.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
