meet me or not, i'm out of control
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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