well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
