That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
