you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
