Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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