She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
