"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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