i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
