If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
