I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
