seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
