glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
