i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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