my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
