Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
