Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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