She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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