.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
