You work out of a Hotel?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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