I can text with my tongue
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
