apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
