I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
