she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
