Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
