my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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