Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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