I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
