I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
