Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
