Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
