If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
