jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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