This girl is more easily done than said...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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