why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
