I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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